5 scary things for a Southern Belle

halloween poem


Beware! Here are 5 scary things for a Belle. Read at your own risk . . .

Bad Hair Day1. No! Not a bad hair day! Anything but that! And the hair was bad enough without the torture of having scotch tape ripped from our foreheads! The pain! The agony! The shame! When will the horror end? We just want big, pouffy, happy hair like all beautiful girls everywhere. Is that so much to ask?  . . .danged bangs.


bad manners2. Bad manners scare the bejibbers out of us every time! If a beau fails to open a door,  hold our chair, or speaks ill of his Mama, or if thank you notes aren’t written for the silver pickle fork you sent your third cousin-once removed for her third wedding gift, it can cause a girl to gasp in fright! People like this were raised by wolves. Hooowwwlll!!! Mercy daisy!


chicken salad dk. meat3. Dark meat in the chicken salad? Is she possessed? Does she think we have nerves of steel? Does she know this reflects poorly on the entire club? Where was she raised? Who are her people? The next thing we know, her head will start spinning around and she’ll tell us she didn’t use Dukes! This is a meal fit for Zombies. Slide the chester-drawers in front of the door and hide!


white shoes before easter4. Gasp-ing-for-air. Can’t-catch-my-breath . . . tell me my eyes are playing tricks on me and she isn’t wearing white shoes to the Thanksgiving Cane-Grinding Gala. I’m dizzy . . . can’t-last-much-longer! Witches on brooms circling my head would be less traumatic. The White Shoes Rule is often confused with a White Shoes “Ghoul.” BOO Y’all!


Broken Pearls5. ALL-OUT-SCREAM!!!! Her pearls broke and bounced every-which-way, cattywampus all over the floor! Hot tears burst from her eyes and her sweet little ole’ heart nearly beat out of her chest. It’s a horror like no other, as you watch, in slow motion, Grandmother’s precious milky white pearls — the same color as magnolias and creamy grits — go bouncing all over the floor.

Paralyzing panic over precious pearls!


Absolute H-O-R-R-O-R!!!!

Bless our little Southern hearts on spooky Halloween!

FairhopeHalloween pumpkin



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