Here are the Southern Christmas sayings I’ve heard around town lately. You know who you are . . .
1. I had my Christmas stockings, tree skirt, the dog’s sweater and my apron all monogramed to match this year! They are PRECIOUS!
2. Anna Jean has gone and clipped every last magnolia leaf off the trees in our yard AND the neighbor’s!
3. Where is Granddaddy’s old Mardi Gras vest? It’ll be perfect for your Wise Man costume.
4. If you don’t shape up, Santa’s going to bring you switches – or Southern Mississippi football tickets!
5. Aaaggghhh!!! Who used up all the danged hot glue sticks?
6. I’m fixin to pick up some Captain Morgan’s for Nana’s fruitcakes. You know she can’t do it herself on account of being Baptist and all.
7. I plum forgot to remember we need more Velveeta. How am I supposed to make dip now?
8. Aunt Dora Rae’s on the phone. She wants to know what kind of Cokes you want her to bring to the party.
9. Go out back and help your Daddy load Old Jake on the trailer to carry him over to the Live Nativity.
10. First, I’ll pick up a bunch of pinecones, then I’ll spray paint them all Winter White, then I’ll make them into a big ol’ wreath and hang on the green door. It will be precious! Oh yeah, I’ll stick a big bow on it too! . . . Did you hear a word I said?
11. You boys make yourselves useful and go shoot me down some mistletoe!
12. I’m wearing my new sweater dress to the party, so I hope they have the AC cranked, or I’ll just melt!
13. Where is the Santa hair bow I bought you? – Not the green one or the one with jingle bells or the one with snowflakes or the one . . .
14. I can’t believe I’m already out of glitter!
15. Make sure you’ve got your Lottie Moon envelope.
16. I’m fixin to make some cheese straws.
17. Darlin’, can I borrow your Grandmother’s punch bowl for the egg nog? I’m going to put the sherbet punch in mine.
18. Just go get some Walmart gift cards and be done with it.
19. Mama, what’s snow?
20. I’m glad they finally sang the Hallelujah chorus. I needed to stretch my legs.
22. I have Lenox Holiday, but my sister has the Spode Christmas Tree. I suwannee, it’s like we came from different parents!
*23. Christmas Eve gift!!!!
And last, but not least . . .
24. When in doubt, spray paint it, fry it, or stick a bow on it!
* I think this is a North Alabama thing. Let me know if you play this “gotcha” game.
Catch this story and other Christmas Cheer at Southern Hospitality, Primp, From My Front Porch To Yours, French Country Cottage, Common Ground, Mockingbird Hill Cottage, It’s Overflowing, and Savvy Southern Style.
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